The Official Site of Sari de la Motte
  • Meet Sari
  • Podcast
  • Blog
  • Events
  • Book Sari


​

Eye Contact Doesn't Mean What You Think it Does

7/22/2019

 
If you've never said to your kid, "You LOOK at me when I'm talking to you!" are you even a parent?

Most parents have, at one time or another, said this to their kid. (Especially if said kid is/was a teenager.) And that's because we think it's disrespectful to not make eye contact.

When parenting, this is often true.

The problem is, it's not true across the board.

Eye contact does not equal respect. But thinking it does causes all sorts of problems.

For example, if you believe that you should always make eye contact, this will cause you to:

  • ...look at the jurors while asking them to look at a visual
  • ...maintain eye contact with the jury when being objected to
  • ...step backwards, side step or walk weirdly to get where you're going 
  • ...and other nonverbal weirdness.

Here's the deal: eye contact does not equal respect, it equals engagement. Which means you need to look at whatever you want (or want jurors) to engage with.
Picture
For example, if you are using visuals during your opening statement, I assume you want jurors to look at them. If so, you need to look at them too. Telling jurors to look at your visual while you maintain eye contact confuses them. You say "look up here" but if you maintain eye contact you nonverbally communicate, "keep looking at me." If you want jurors to engage with the visual, you have to engage with it too. 

When you're objected to, look at opposing counsel. This will force the jurors to look there too because people follow our eyes. (Don't believe me? Go to coffee with someone and look over their shoulder as you sit across from each other. It will be near impossible for them not to turn around to see what you're looking at.) When you look at opposing counsel, jurors will associate the objection with them ("why are you interrupting?") versus you ("did you say something wrong?")

When you need to move in the courtroom, break eye contact. It's ok, I promise! It's much weirder to sashay to where you're going than to merely break eye contact and walk normally.

You've been told that eye contact is the holy grail of connection. It isn't. It's merely one way to connect with jurors. But if you insist on making eye contact at every possible moment you not only risk totally weirding the jurors out, you miss out on opportunities to systematically use eye contact to your advantage.

Click here to listen to my podcast on eye contact.

Comments are closed.

    Things to Check Out

    GET "FROM HOSTAGE TO HERO" BOOK

    Picture
    LEARN ABOUT STUDIOS
    Picture
    Subscribe
    Picture

    Archives

    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    October 2017
    August 2017

    Categories

    All
    Attorney
    Authenticity
    Belief
    Body Language
    Breathing
    Communication
    Context Statement
    Credibility
    Creditbility
    Dealing With Resistance
    FB Group
    From Hostage To Hero
    Group Formation
    Jurors
    Jury
    Lawyer
    Listening
    Mindset
    Nonverbal Communication
    Opening Statement
    Permission
    Podcast
    Power Of Attorney
    Presence
    Presentation Skills
    Principles
    SCARF Model
    Space
    Stories
    Storytelling
    Teaching
    The Amplify Project
    Trial Tips
    Voir Dire

    RSS Feed

COMPANY

MEET SARI
FAQ
CONTACT

WORK WITH SARI

WHAT IS H2H CREW?
BOOK SARI
GET SOCIAL

SARI DE LA MOTTE  |  17600 Pacific Hwy., Suite 183, Marylhurst, Oregon 97036  |  MAIN: 503-880-2958
PRIVACY POLICY | TERMS OF USE    SARI DE LA MOTTE© COPYRIGHT 2018. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
  • Meet Sari
  • Podcast
  • Blog
  • Events
  • Book Sari