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Last week we discussed the first thing you can read: permission. Today let's look at the second thing you can read: what mode jurors are in. Every single communication situation tends to fall into one of two buckets: Issue & Relationship. You're either tending to the relationship or dealing with an issue when conversing with someone.  Likewise, people tend to be in issue or relationship mode, depending on the circumstance. You can read this nonverbally.
Issue-oriented communication looks like this:
Relationship-oriented communication looks like this:
We like the relationship-oriented jurors, don't we? They smile and nod and make us feel good. But the issue-oriented jurors are scary, aren't they? They stare and cross their arms and make us feel bad. Stop making up stories. Issue-oriented jurors are interested in logistics. "What's this about? Is it worth my time?" It doesn't mean they disagree with you. Relationship-oriented jurors are simply being polite by nodding and smiling. It doesn't mean they agree with you. Here is what this body language actually means: Issue-oriented jurors are motivated by facts, evidence and logic. Relationship oriented jurors are motivated by emotion, stories and the human element. This means that if you have a primarily relationship-oriented jury, you need to use more relationship-oriented body language and tell more stories and use more emotion. Conversely, if you have a primarily issue-oriented jury, use more issue-oriented body language and focus on facts and logic. Stop trying to memorize hundreds of nonverbal cues and just focus on reading permission and what mode your jurors are in. This will allow you to focus on the job at hand instead of being distracted by irrelevant details. How much thought have you given to body language? If you're like most people, not much. And yet how you nonverbally communicate has the power to change everything. If you want to change your results, you must change your body language. Body language includes many things: what you do with your face, how you stand, how you gesture, what your voice sounds like, etc., but the easiest way to think about it is to separate the various nonverbal communication skills into four areas:
Today let's discuss body and voice. Great communicators are highly skilled, but it's not just skill that makes them great. It's timing. Great communicators know what skill to use when.  For example, there are two basic nonverbal types I teach: authoritative communication and approachable communication.
In nearly every communication situation you are either sending information or seeking it. For example, if you get a Starbuck's coffee every day, you most likely say, "Tall, soy, light-foam latte," when you get to the cashier. (At least that's what I say.) But if you miss your turn and end up in a Dutch Brother's parking lot, you might ask, "Do you guys serve soy lattes here?" To be purposeful, use authoritative communication when sending information:
Additionally, use approachable communication when seeking information:
Want jurors to talk to you? BE APPROACHABLE. Want to communicate you're the leader? BE AUTHORITATIVE. Using the right nonverbal communication at the right time has the power to change your results. Give this podcast a listen to learn more. If you've never said to your kid, "You LOOK at me when I'm talking to you!" are you even a parent? Most parents have, at one time or another, said this to their kid. (Especially if said kid is/was a teenager.) And that's because we think it's disrespectful to not make eye contact. When parenting, this is often true. The problem is, it's not true across the board. Eye contact does not equal respect. But thinking it does causes all sorts of problems. For example, if you believe that you should always make eye contact, this will cause you to:
Here's the deal: eye contact does not equal respect, it equals engagement. Which means you need to look at whatever you want (or want jurors) to engage with.  For example, if you are using visuals during your opening statement, I assume you want jurors to look at them. If so, you need to look at them too. Telling jurors to look at your visual while you maintain eye contact confuses them. You say "look up here" but if you maintain eye contact you nonverbally communicate, "keep looking at me." If you want jurors to engage with the visual, you have to engage with it too.
When you're objected to, look at opposing counsel. This will force the jurors to look there too because people follow our eyes. (Don't believe me? Go to coffee with someone and look over their shoulder as you sit across from each other. It will be near impossible for them not to turn around to see what you're looking at.) When you look at opposing counsel, jurors will associate the objection with them ("why are you interrupting?") versus you ("did you say something wrong?") When you need to move in the courtroom, break eye contact. It's ok, I promise! It's much weirder to sashay to where you're going than to merely break eye contact and walk normally. You've been told that eye contact is the holy grail of connection. It isn't. It's merely one way to connect with jurors. But if you insist on making eye contact at every possible moment you not only risk totally weirding the jurors out, you miss out on opportunities to systematically use eye contact to your advantage. Click here to listen to my podcast on eye contact. You communicate nonverbally all the time. You can't -not- communicate. And yet I'd guess most of you have received little to no nonverbal communication training. You cannot be a high performing trial attorney if you don't master nonverbal communication.  Here's why:
1. The majority of any message is nonverbal. There are three parts to any message:
Content is what you say. Delivery is how you say it. Reception is how it was received. Even if all three parts were weighted evenly (they aren't, nonverbal communication always speaks louder than words) 66% of any message is nonverbal. How you deliver a message is nonverbal, (body language, voice tone, breathing, and gesturing) and reading how people receive it is done nonverbally. (More on this below.) To get your message across, you must tune into your nonverbal communication. 2. If there is a mismatch between your verbal message and your nonverbal message, the listener will believe the nonverbal message every single time. You tell the jury you want to hear from them but then dart your eyes around the jury box. The message jurors receive? "Shut up already, I want to move on." You tell the jury this case is very serious but then joke around with opposing counsel on breaks. The message jurors receive? "This case is a joke." You tell the jury this case is simple but then use hundreds of PowerPoint slides and lots of jargon. The message jurors receive? "This case is complex." Your nonverbal communication speaks louder than your words. 3. The ability to ensure good communication happens rests on your ability to read nonverbal cues. If you haven't mastered nonverbal communication, that means you misread (or don't read at all) the nonverbal communication of whoever you're communicating with. But this is the only way to tell if what you're doing is working! Communication doesn't happen in a vacuum; you have to keep an eye on your listener to gauge whether your message is landing. You do this nonverbally. Want to master trial? You must master nonverbal communication. There are no shortcuts. Jurors believe what you do, not what you say. Give this podcast a listen to learn more. |
AuthorSari has been dubbed the "Attorney Whisperer" because of her unique ability to help attorneys communicate their real selves. Archives
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