|
We’re in this to win. That’s obvious. The problem is, you can’t control whether you win or not. And although I think you know this, I don’t think you accept it. I see so many attorneys desperately attached to winning at trial that when they lose...it knocks them off their game. When I was wrestling with an issue in my life years ago, my coach told me something I’ll never forget. She said, “The goal is to be 100% committed and 100% unattached.” It’s ok to want to win. But you need to detach from whether it happens or not. Here’s why:
 Let go of the idea that winning is the only acceptable outcome. Instead, focus your energy on doing the best job possible and you might just find that winning takes care of itself.
We’ve been looking at what limiting beliefs are holding you back. Today we’re looking at the limiting belief: My Stories Are True. Years ago, I was working with a trial attorney in my office. After several attempts to get him to open up his body language, he still remained closed. Frustrated, I finally blurted out, “Ok, what’s the story?” And out tumbled a story about how he’s afraid he’ll say or do something that will turn the jurors against him and how this fear had been eating him alive. When our communication is “off” there’s always a story behind it. Body language starts in the brain. What we think gets communicated through our nonverbals.  This is dangerous.
Walk into the break room and see two people abruptly stop talking and you make up a story that they were talking about you. See a juror frown and you make up a story that they don’t believe you and your version of events. Your spouse is late coming home from work and you make up a story that they’ve been in an accident. All of these stories have consequences because we communicate based on our stories. Think your colleagues are talking behind your back? You’ll start avoiding them and acting strangely when they’re around. Think a juror is against you during trial? You’ll start getting nervous about trying new things and play it safe. Think your spouse has been in an accident? You’ll increase your stress and may lash out at your child. It’s nearly impossible to stop making up stories because the brain is wired to make sense of our experiences. So instead, ask yourself, “Does this story serve me?” If your story causes you stress, worry or anxiety, it doesn’t serve you. So ditch it. Tell yourself a new story. Maybe your colleagues were sharing a personal story and were embarrassed if others heard. Maybe the juror has a stomach ache. Maybe your spouse got stopped by his or her boss on the way out of the office and didn’t have time to text you before getting in the car to drive home. Are these stories true? It doesn’t matter. The point is, they serve you and your mindset. If you end up getting more information that gives you a clearer picture, great! Reframe your story. But until then, pick a story that serves you. Here’s a podcast you might enjoy. |
AuthorSari has been dubbed the "Attorney Whisperer" because of her unique ability to help attorneys communicate their real selves. Archives
June 2019
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed